Ladies and gentlemen....
Welcome to the Main Event...
Lets get ready to RUM-BLLLLLLLLLLLLEE!
- Michael Buffer
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
- Canada Bill Jones' Motto
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
- Supplement to above
Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end. For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities I most admired in myself I gave up. I stopped being loud and bossy ... Oh, all right. I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back.
- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
- Robert Firth
A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
- Charles Schultz
Luck is the residue of design.
- Branch Rickey
A tie is like kissing your sister.
- Duffy Daugherty
Never settle for being anything but the best.
- A.J. Foyt
Success is being happy with yourself.
- Kyle Petty
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
- Doug Larson
Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.
- George Santayana
The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
- The Fourth Law of Applied Terror
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
- Corollary to the above
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
- Fifth Law of Applied Terror
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
- Corollary to the above
Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.
- Cale Yarborough
If a driver is comfortable, he is not going fast enough.
- Bobby Allison
If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never.
- Soren Kierkegaard
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.
- Mark Twain
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow
The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals and three-run homers.
- Earl Weaver
The only thing I know is that a three-time loser is a baseball manager on his way to Cleveland in an Edsel.
- Bobby Bragan
These days baseball is different. You come to spring training, you get your legs ready, your arm loose, your agent ready, your lawyer lined up.
- Dave Winfield
Whoever wants to learn the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball, the rules and realities of the game - and do it by watching first some high school or small town teams.
- Jacques Martin Barzun
What you've got to have in baseball is pitching, speed and money.
- Robert E. Ted Turner III
I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure.
- Chief Justice Earl Warren
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S Truman
The problem... is that most members of Congress don't pay attention to what's going on.
- John McCain
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
- Bill Vaughan
Talkers are no good doers.
- William Shakespeare (From Henry VI)
Rhetoric is a poor substitute for action.
- Teddy Roosevelt
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
- Mark Twain
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be true.
- Harry S Truman
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
A billion here, a couple of billion there - first thing you know it adds up to be real money.
- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Sir Laurence Olivier
I hate quotations.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.
- Les Aspin
After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P. J. O'Rourke
You know the great thing about TV? If something important happens anywhere at all in the world, no matter what time of the day or night, you can always change the channel.
- Jim Ignatowski
Basically, our situation is on the borderline of collapse all the time.
- Jerry Garcia
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
- Seneca
The worse the society, the more law there will be. In Hell, there will be nothing but law, and due process will be meticulously observed.
- Grant Gilmore (professor of Law, Yale Univ.)
Work hard, be fair and don't mess in other people's business.
- Junior Johnson
The worst moment for an athiest is when he feels grateful and has no one to thank.
- John Cameron Swayze
A barbecue is an incinerator with a press agent.
- Bob Hope
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
- Ancient Proverb
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
- Billy Sunday
Cliches - Fixtures of Speech.
- Alexander Weiner
One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.
- Arnold W. Glasgow
Ours is the only country deliberately founded on a good idea.
- John Gunther
I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
- Calvin Coolidge
There ain't no man can avoid being born average. But there ain't no man got to be common.
- Leroy Satchel Paige
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The world really isn't any worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
- Changing Times
A vote is like a rifle, its usefulness depends upon the character of the user.
- Teddy Roosevelt
Gambling: A way of getting nothing for something.
- Wilson Mizner
Whether it's in racing or in life, so much of what we do depends on attitude.
- Dick Trickle
If you don't believe, you don't belong.
- Alan Kulwicki's Motto
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
Patio: Spanish word meaning $500 more.
- Mrs. James W. Mullen
Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
- Edmund Gwenn
Insanity is hereditary. You can get it from your children.
- Sam Levenson
The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
- Herb Caen
The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.
- Elisabeth Murray
There must be more to life than having everything.
- Maurice Sendak
All writing is garbage.
- Antonin Artaud
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
- Garrison Kellior
Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.
- Karl Kraus
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
- Unknown
A statesman is a politician who has been dead ten or fifteen years.
- Harry S Truman
Lord Knows, we need more statesmen.
- Berkely Breathed
Happiness is good health and bad memory.
- Ingrid Bergman
I am firm. You are obstinate. He is a pig-headed fool.
- Katharine Whitehorn.
Do the best you can. But don't go crazy with the pressure.
- Ray Everham
It's all in the tires.
- Darrell Waltrip
To see the world in a Grain of Sand, And eternity in an hour.
- William Blake
Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.
- Admiral Hyman G. Rickover
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.
- Plato
Plato was a bore.
- Friedrich Nietzche
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
- Voltaire
An optimist is someone who doesn't have all of the facts yet.
- Unknown
The older I get, the more I wish I could have goofed off when I was kid.
- Unknown
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I say, hurl. If you blow chunks and she stays, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.
- Wayne Campbell (aka Mike Myers), Wayne's World
People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.
- Epictetus
If, of all the words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are, It might have been,
More sad are these we daily see:
It is, but hadn't ought to be.
- Bret Harte
People do not just have feelings; they have them about things that are significant to them.
- Bruce Kuklick, To Everything a Season
Understand that Happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all-time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
- Vince Lombardi.
Some men see things as they are, and say why, I dream of things that never were, and say why not.
- Bobby Kennedy
It is a terribly hard job to spend a billion dollars and get your money's worth.
- George Humphrey
An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet in mid-air on both sides of an issue.
- Sen. Homer Ferguson.
The value of making mistakes is to remember each one and try not to make it again.
- Harry Hyde
You win some. You lose some. You wreck some.
- Dale Earnhardt
Basically, my philosophy is to keep working and keep trying. It'll all eventuallly work out. If it doesn't, so what? You've got to be doing something anyhow.
- Dave Marcis
I remember thinking I just want more. This isn't it. Fame is not the goal. Money is not the goal. To be able to know how to get peace of mind, how to be happy, is something you don't just stumble across. You've got to search for it.
- George Harrison
By common consent gray hairs are a crown of glory; the only object of respect that can never excite envy.
- Bancroft
In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
- Thomas Jefferson
Happiness is not an absence of problems; but the ability to deal with them.
- H. Jackson Brown, Sr.
The father is always a Republican towards his son and his mother is always a Democrat.
- Robert Frost
We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
- Postmaster General James Edward Day
Justice without power is inefficient; power without justice is tyranny. Justice without power is opposed, because there are always wicked men. Power without justice is soon questioned. Justice and power must therefore be brought together, so that whatever is just may be powerful and whatever is powerful may be just.
- Pascal
Pride makes us do things well, but it is love that makes us do them to perfection.
- H. Jackson Brown, Sr.
In every company, at every fireside, one is struck with the riches of nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is only a poor sort of happiness that could ever come by caring very much about our own narrow pleasures. We can only have the highest happiness, such as goes along with true greatness, by having wide thoughts and much feeling for the rest of the world as well as ourselves; and this sort of happiness often brings so much pain with it, that we can only tell it from pain by its being what we would choose before everything else; because our souls see it is good.
- George Eliot
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia.
- H. L. Mencken
We should not only use the brains we have, but all that we can borrow.
- Woodrow Wilson
Sometimes a noble failure serves the world as faithfully as a distinguished success.
- Dowden
Behold the turtle, he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
- James B. Conant
Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying a grudge, the other guy's out dancing.
- Buddy Hackett
If you're looking for a big opportunity, seek out a big problem.
- H. Jackson Brown, Sr.
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
- Chinese proverb
I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick.
- Gov. Sarah Palin
Change does not necessarily assure progress, but progress implacably requires change. Education is essential to change, for education creates both new wants and the ability to satisfy them.
- Henry Steele Commager
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
- Unknown
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he is not.
- Stephen Leacock
The responsibilty of a dictionary is to record the language, not set its style.
- Phillip Gove
The public is like a piano. You just have to know what keys to poke.
- Al Capp
Failure at some point in your life is inevitable, but giving up is unforgivable.
- Joe Biden
The prophet of despair gains a shouting audience. But one who speaks from hope will be heard long after the noise dies down.
- John LaFarge
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.
- The Duke of Windsor
Don't let life discourage you. Everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
- Milton Berle
It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
Well, I am about as tall as a shotgun, and just as noisy.
- Truman Capote
Don't be afraid to take big steps. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Adversity, how blunt are all the arrows of thy quiver in comparison with those of guilt.
- Robert Blair
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind; the thief doth fear each bush an officer.
- William Shakespeare
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.
- Colette
Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
One of the things I've never been accused of is not caring about people.
- Joe Biden
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
- Sir Francis Bacon
Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but the instruments of the wise.
- Samuel Lover
He who Rules must humor full as much as he commands.
- George Eliot
The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
- Homer
The only way for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor.
- Sir W. Temple
We do not see things as they are. Instead, we see things as we are.
- H. Jackson Brown, Sr.
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
- Rabbi Julins Gordon
I would rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.
- Emma Goldman
You've got to love what's loveable, and hate what's hateable. It takes brains to see the difference.
- Robert Frost
A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
- Anonymous
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.
- George Orwell
Every wish is like a prayer with God.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
If you cannot catch a bird of paradise, better take a wet hen.
- Nikita Khrushchev
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
- Sir Winston Churchill
Better are the blows of a friend than the false kisses of an enemy.
- Thomas Becket
There are more fools than wise men; and even in wise men, more folly than wisdom.
- Chamfort
Luck sometimes visits a fool, but never sits down with him.
- German proverb
Parents are not quite interested in justice, they are interested in quiet.
- Bill Cosby
To be amused by what you read - that is the great spring of happy quotations.
- C.E. Montague
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that make you happy or unhappy. It's what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
It is the essence of genius to make use of the simplest of ideas.
- Charles Pguy
The new electronic interdependence recreates the world in the image of a global village.
- Marshall McLuhan
The best is the enemy of the good.
- Voltaire
I do not like work, even when someone else is doing it.
- Mark Twain
When considering communications, it is best to start from a primitive base and work up to more sophisticated tactics.
- Anarchist's Cookbook
Only by art can we get outside ourselves; instead of seeing only one world, our world, we see it under multiple forms, and as many as there are original artists, just so many worlds we have at our disposal.
- Marcel Proust
Here's the rule for bargains: Do other men, for they would do you. That's the true business precept.
- Charles Dickens
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.
- Benjamin Disraeli
All the best work is done the way ants do things - by tiny but untiring and regular additions.
- Lafcadio Hearn
And now, cried Max, let the wild rumpus start!
- Maurice Sendak
If knowledge is the key, then show me the lock.
- Q Tip, A Tribe Called Quest
The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.
- Elbert Hubbard
If I was living in the past, my grandmother would still be alive. The past is in the past.
- Candy Maldonado
What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows.
- Alexandra Stoddard
The hitter is not a factor. What's a factor is if I make a mistake or not, and I'm not willing to make that mistake to let him beat me.
- Dave Stewart
I never met a man I didn't like.
- Will Rogers
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I ain't an athlete, lady, I'm a ballplayer.
- John Kruk
One year I led the National League in errors. They named a vitamin after me that year - One-A-Day.
- Roy Smalley, Sr.
A man who has to curse has not the words to express himself.
- Malcom X
Sometimes, I wonder if men and women suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.
- Katharine Hepburn
Success is a journey, not a destination.
- Anonymous
Back to my homepage